Some tips, maybe.

So I've been building out my social media empire, and included in that is my Google+, which some people do actually use. Imagine that!

Anyway, today I encountered a list of tips to get writing going, i.e., get motivated, and I figured it was worth including here, regardless of how trite they may seem in the long run. Never hurts to reflect on some tips and how I might incorporate them, yeah?

Location is a big suggestion, not just because (based on some comments) it sounds like it has a significant effect, but also because I've not idea how I'd really incorporate it. My life doesn't give me a lot of location-changing options. I work and I go home, and I struggle to find/make time for even my chores, nevermind going out to write. Hm.

That being said, it could include just being at work, maybe? It is familiar, yeah, but it's also different from home. I can also change locations when at work--go down to the little "cafe" downstairs and write on my phone or some such.

There's also the Panera down the street. I could go on weekends for an hour or two and do as much as I can. Def a location change.

There's also time; this blogger suggests making time whenever possible, even just 10 minutes at a time, to squeeze in some writing. That's perhaps doable for me. If I actually took my hour lunches, I could spend 10 minutes eating, 20 minutes journaling, and 30 minutes writing. That'd be something.

What's also interesting about these tips is how against habit they are. I've heard other writers heartily endorse "writing like it's your job;" setting a specific place, span of time, and time of day to instill a writerly mindset. "This is writing time," kind of thing.

I'm not exactly surprised to hear a differing point of view, but it is a bit confusing. What do I do? Make habits or break them? Hm. I suppose different things work for different writers, which I guess also isn't too surprising.

Jabberfucky.

Well, that's a rude title, really. It's not exactly about fucking per se. But I wrote a poem a couple of weeks ago and figured I'd post it. Note my attempts at my favorite meter, catalectic trochaic tetrameter.

Here's the original--more or less as I threw it at my phone:

One two, one two, and through and through
And through the night went we;
Passion met with passion felt,
And through the night went we.
Months we went with calm words shared
--But uncertain of intent.
At last! At last! Silence broke,
And the matter was announced.
(Embracing now, fingers laced,
Warp and woof entwined as one,
Bodies pressed and hard need known.)
We let it out, let feeling free,
And so through the night went we.

I wanted to preface it, if I had posted it, with "Sorry, Petrarch; sorry, Lewis Carroll; hello, Whitman." The latter two for the references to each of them, the first because I miscounted the number of lines and thought this was sonnet length.

Struck by that, and realizing it wasn't quite long enough, I decided to try rewriting it as a proper sonnet. I added a line I still hate ("Eyes both locked, sublimest depth"), and reorganized others to effect something like a rhyme scheme (a change toward rhyming is really only evident in the second quatrain, with it's ABBA). Don't love it, don't hate it, but here's the start of that attempt at revision:

One two, one two, through and through
Through and through the night went we;
Passion met with passion felt,
And through the night went we.
Months went we with calm words shared
--Though uncertain of intent.
At last! At last! Silence bent:
Bald/our desires were declared.
(Embracing now, fingers laced,
Eyes both locked, sublimest depth;
Warp and woof entwined as one,
Bodies pressed and hard need known.)
We let it out, let feeling free,
So through the night go we.

I may return to this and revise it, either into a sonnet or not, at some later time, but figured I'd post what I had for now.

Confidence.

I was reading Ray Bradbury's introduction to that collection of 100 of his stories, and he said something very interesting about storywriting: "Jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down."

This bold approach is so different from how I currently approach storywriting. I'm so tentative, it feels; so self-conscious. I don't have confidence that I know how or will be able to build my own wings, and that's definitely held me back--both in the past and in present ventures. And not just with storywriting, or even poetrywriting; but in life as well. But that's perhaps an observation best reserved for my other blog...

I do want to be a writer; the urge and, if I can be so brazen, the talent are there. I just lack confidence in my abilities, and I'm not entirely sure--other than by brute force and success--how I'll find it.

But I need to if I'm going to live that dream of being a writer, a real writer, and not shy away from it forever, never finding fulfilment in that not insignificant domain of my existence.

I also need, of course, to make more time for my writing (and my blogging...). But, then, time management has never come easily to me. I'd like to, and have even perhaps begun to, believe I'm making progress there. It's coming slowly, maybe, so it's hard to see at times. But I have made time for "Ponder," or whatever I'm calling it, if haltingly and in large leaps.

Although Bradbury seems to dismiss scheduling writing time, that seems to be what most writers suggest and is certainly worth trying. But when? Hm hm.

Ponder, or so it's called.

So I've been working on a short story, and it's going a bit roughly. For now I'm calling it "Ponder," short for "transponder" as one such thing is indirectly the guiding force of the action. Although, now that I think about it, I might be thinking of the wrong word. Well, joy.

Meanwhile, it's sci-fi, which seems to be what I'm drawn to these days (some three of five stories I'd like to write are all sci-fi). It's also a bit of an exercise in nihilism, and I love that about it. How dark and hopeless can I make this?

I like the main character, Kimberly, even if I haven't fleshed her out completely. She'll be narrating things (more) as soon as I get things on track. More on that later. I love/hate the other main character, Oscar, who's basically a cynical philosopher-jerk. Can't say I'm too upset about that per se, but he feels almost too easy to write at times, and I'm not sure where I'm going with him. He feels prop-ish, at times.

The biggest problem I have is it's all dialogue so far. I've veered perhaps too far into "show don't tell," and "shown" everything rather than narrate any of it. Not in itself bad, I guess, but I'm not sure what to do with that. Is this normal for the writing process of a short story? The dialogue just keeps flowing out of me, and I don't know how to break it up without feeling like I'm breaking it.

Oh, right; worth mentioning that this is basically my first real attempt at writing a short story. At least, I think it is. It sure feels it--raw and unguided. Adrift. Lost. Unsure.

I feel compelled to work on it, sort of, all the same, though. I'm not sure where to go, so I'm doing my best, but at times I feel defeated or too uncertain before I even start. I know I should just push on, see what comes out, and work with what I have once I have it, but...it's difficult.

Oh well, more to come.

More Oliver has more.

So I've encountered some new thoughts for this short story I've been working on, and of course I haven't really worked on it at all what with all the stuff going on these past couple days.

One thing that frustrates me is I don't know how to work in new ideas. How do I preserve what I have done or do I even want to preserve what I've done? I mean, I have put work into the last couple of drafts, in shaping and honing them to support the direction I was going. And now...I just don't know. And it's really frustrating.

So, like, one thing is a line for Rick - "I just want to be able to have these feelings and not feel guilty about it". This refers to feeling scared or depressed or happy or relieved or whatever as relates to his cancer without feeling they're unwarranted or shameful. This kind of ties in with some of the stuff already discussed in the story--much like Rick's 'cause and effect' thing. Like, he worries there's not enough cause for having these feelings, so if he lets himself feel them he's being indulgent and wanton. (which, amusingly, is kind of how his character is, I suppose; so maybe he's actually aware of this about himself now and it scares him?)

Altogether that one line will require a bunch of restructuring, I think. It entails certain subjects and such to follow it, but also requires certain others to set it up (and set up those other following bits, too). At least I think it does. It feels like it's going to be this huge change and I don't know how to handle it if it is. Maybe I'm wrong, and it'll enjoin the rest of the existing action without much messying up. Or maybe it will shift the focus entirely, alter the direction, and instead of culminating in the whole "you're the one making yourself miserable, rick" thing it'll be something else?

Or maybe I can fiddle with that culminating bit. Instead of just referring to rick "keeping score" of his accomplishments and failures, it's also about legitimate feelings? Not sure how I'll do that. Not sure at all. Fuck.

Part of me wants to trash it all and start over or give up entirely. Or go take a nap and pretend it'll just be better later. Well, I think part of the nagginess is that this story grew out of my real feelings and circumstances, and this new dimension is something I've actually been feeling, and I want to remain true to it. But at the cost of the focus of the story? maybe, if I can make it work, sure. But I'm not sure I can. And that's annoying as fuck. Cuz I feel like I have to work this in for it to be a legitimate story. But maybe it's already moved on from my real life stuff and become it's own. Or maybe it's actually a very hollow, shallow affair because it doesn't ring true anymore. Fuckall.

I know, I know; if I just start fiddling about and poking it in differetn ways and trying things out, I'm sure it'll sort itself out. But my OCD hates wasting time doing unnecessary things (though it has no problem wasting time on absolutely useless diversions). So it's holding me up. I just can't get myself to do it because I have no idea what I'm gonna be doing. I guess I imagine fiction writing to be a singular, linear process, without retroactive editing or anything. And that's probably completely false, but I feel like I'd be failing at this if I do that. Fuckall.

Well, that's enough for today. I'll keep thinking things through, maybe even blog some useful notes tomorrow.

Stucky.

Well not really, not too terribly. I'm just a bit unsure how to proceed. Fiction is tough, y'know?

I was saying to Louis that I need to define the characters (and their dialogue) more, even out the story so that it functions better, and generally give everything a bit more focus.

Right now it feels kind of like the characters are irrelevant to the dialogue; that anyone could be speaking it, interchangeably, and it wouldn't matter so much. This isn't inherently or inextricably a problem--I'm sure revision will correct it--but it's annoying as fuck. I'm starting to find Rick's character, and Oliver's is taking shape but needs sanding down in some places.

I'm trying to figure out how to reveal things in a timely and subtle fashion, too. right now it's fairly obvious: some dialogue, some dialogue, reflective prose, repeat. If I could move some of these revelations into the dialogue, I'm sure it'd be less dry to read. The little reveals would feel less abrupt and would probaly help confirm and set eachother up more. Altogether, I can't help expecting this to even the flow and functioning of the stories parts.

And it needs focus. Right now it kind of wanders to a conslusion, which isn't terrible, but I'd like it to move with a bit more exactness or purpose. Like, not have things too focused on one thing then slip into another or stuff. I need to figure out what the story is about and what it's representing on the page. Ground it a bit more in reality and situations, even.

At this point it's not too surprising that I'm considering entirely rewriting some bits. Especially the prosey reflective bits. Most of them are highly significant to what's going, revealing important details and so on. Dialogue, too, to incorporate more detail and character expression and development, if only slight hints here and there that are then confirmed as the story continues and so on.

goddamn i'm sleepy as fuck. i may go lie down a mo' and then either try to write some more or leave it for tomorrow.


note: maybe a bit in the story where oliver reveales his great shame or something and they both feel an awkward obligation to help his friend....and brain died.

Some fict.

I finally got back to that little Oliver story I sketched out a couple weeks back. It felt good, it felt interesting. Hard to explain I guess.

Yesterday I picked it up again. As it had been a while and I hadn't revised it at all yet, it was basically a read through with comments and some markup. To be honest, I wish I had just read it first, then bothered with comments. The problem sections, the successful sections, all that came out better as I got through it. Certain earlier comments seemed like trifling worries as other more metasignificant things became apparent. But all in all it felt good; it felt...possible. This project is possible. There, I've said it.

big takeaways:

• Rick needs to be better defined, or earlier established, at least in my mind. Right now he's kind of carboardy at parts, esp the beginning.
• Oliver is doing okay development why; basically snark and sarcasm and an aversion to interpersonal connection, and i'm done. Expressing that is the tough part; it's a question of balance. How to inject those traits to create character effects and such without being intrusive, awkward, or contrived.
• the story definitely starts off kinda empty and actionless (is that it?); it's right about halfway through. Where Oliver proses/prosits "This wasn't what I'd hope for when I thoguht to drop by." Why is that, I wonder. I think because we're finally going inside these characters more; as a vignette and something of a character study, that's significant. Otherwise it feels like empty banter?
• as a housekeeping matter, I was trying out using word's annotations and comments and tracking changes and so forth. It was interesting. Got a bit more useful as I got the hang of it. Not sure exactly how this will work as a system yet, but it has definite possibilities.

So for today's work I'd like to...hm. options:

• liven up or figure out the opening section/exposition
• focus in on awkward passages and fix them
• rewrite? what should I rewrite? hm. I guess that's kinda tautalogical as any of the options will probably entail some manner of rewriting. hm. heh.
• figure out system for editing with Word's change tracking and comments?

God, this is really hard. It's new to me, though. I can write, yeah, and make a story with characters, yeah. But revision? and stuff? tough.

I might not even get all that much done today; I have to take care of a bunch of calls and shit, go grocery shopping, get hair cut (probs), and go to doctor. hm. I might be willing to poke at this later in the evening, but I'm kind of leery of that as it's outside my "schedule" and stuff. hm.