Ponder, or so it's called.

So I've been working on a short story, and it's going a bit roughly. For now I'm calling it "Ponder," short for "transponder" as one such thing is indirectly the guiding force of the action. Although, now that I think about it, I might be thinking of the wrong word. Well, joy.

Meanwhile, it's sci-fi, which seems to be what I'm drawn to these days (some three of five stories I'd like to write are all sci-fi). It's also a bit of an exercise in nihilism, and I love that about it. How dark and hopeless can I make this?

I like the main character, Kimberly, even if I haven't fleshed her out completely. She'll be narrating things (more) as soon as I get things on track. More on that later. I love/hate the other main character, Oscar, who's basically a cynical philosopher-jerk. Can't say I'm too upset about that per se, but he feels almost too easy to write at times, and I'm not sure where I'm going with him. He feels prop-ish, at times.

The biggest problem I have is it's all dialogue so far. I've veered perhaps too far into "show don't tell," and "shown" everything rather than narrate any of it. Not in itself bad, I guess, but I'm not sure what to do with that. Is this normal for the writing process of a short story? The dialogue just keeps flowing out of me, and I don't know how to break it up without feeling like I'm breaking it.

Oh, right; worth mentioning that this is basically my first real attempt at writing a short story. At least, I think it is. It sure feels it--raw and unguided. Adrift. Lost. Unsure.

I feel compelled to work on it, sort of, all the same, though. I'm not sure where to go, so I'm doing my best, but at times I feel defeated or too uncertain before I even start. I know I should just push on, see what comes out, and work with what I have once I have it, but...it's difficult.

Oh well, more to come.

Introducing: Oliver

I'd had various ideas about this character for years. I'd more or less always thought of using him in several stories. At one point he was going to survive some massive car accident. At another point he was going to have been born with a human tail, and it'd be like a young adult novel about coming to terms with being different. At another point, he was going to be both.

At some point last spring or summer ideas started half-forming around Oliver. I had coffee with a writer friend, and told him about these and other thoughts about this character. Paul commented, "Wow, sounds like he's got a lot going on...". So I slashed the tail part, and focused on the whole car thing. It was a lot more interesting and better formed; the tail part, I realized, was comparatively tacked on.

As for the aftermath of the highway accident, there were a few possibilities. Early, early on I'd wanted to explore something of dysfunctional small town life--they'd be stuck, for whatever reasons, in some town out in the middle of nowhere. From there various possibly melodramatic or existential things were considered. Sink holes. Conspiring townsfolk. Self revelations. All that kinda stuff. My mind eventually wandered, and I somewhat forgot about the whole thing.

When I returned to it, I all but dismissed most of those possibilities. The reason? I'd revamped huge parts of Oliver's character. In the years since I'd last thought about him, I'd gone sober and been working an AA program. In the few months of going to meetings and examining myself, I'd noticed what fascinating and fucked up people alcoholics can be--drunk and, especially, sobering up. All the same old fucked up shit but no longer the emotional crutches of alcohol or other substances, leaving all sorts of maladjustments to run rampant.

So I decided he'd be a recovering alcoholic, specifically what's called a "dry drunk"--a sober alcoholic who isn't working any kind of program or doing anything different, really, except not drinking.

It's been surprisingly easy fleshing him out from there. Insecure, self-conscious, irrational, codependent, sarcastic, bitter, resentful, angry, weak, and so on. Obviously, actually developing the character will likely be tougher, but I've got a pretty good idea to work from.

At this point, that first story with him is coming along really nicely. I had a big-ass breakthrough the other day and outlined the plot in minutes. An actual plot, people. This is a new feeling for me, guys: I've never finished any of my writing projects before.

I'm kinda scared. I don't know if I know how to do this, guys. Developing a plot? creating characters? setting scenes? writing dialogue? laying out and revisiting themes? Jesus!

I think I'll keep doing what I've been doing--just, simply, writing. Saving the worrying and higher-level functions like thematic matrices for later parts. If things emerge sooner, awesome, but I needn't worry. At this point, it's about putting words on the page. Start at the beginning and going on till I come to the end, then stop.

And all the other worries--how to develop and what to develop about the accompanying character, Megan; how to lay out themes without being obnoxiously blunt about it; pacing things....--will have to be put aside for now. That's going to be tough. Really really tough. Or really easy. Who knows.

I'll just have to find out, I guess.