An almost working sonnet.

So basically this was inspired by true events; emphasis on "inspired by". I was at the club, and this really hot guy passed me in the crowd, and though we made eye contact and he was hot as fuck I lacked the courage to engage him. Sucks.

The next day I dashed out a rough draft of an octave for a sonnet on my phone and then had work or class or something so left it at that. Later, I sketched out a sestet in my marble notebook and proceeded to rework that and part of the octave that had bugged me, and reworked and reworked and freewrote and reworked. Eventually the sestet and that latter half of the octave reached a pretty damn satisfactory point, though the octave's part still needs work.

Then I finally transcribed in what I'd dashed up on my phone. Yikes. Kinda way underworked compared to the other stuff I'd been fiddling so much with since I made those notes. All the same I'm going to post the current version including the opening 4 lines from the phone version despite having not gotten to revisit them. They will be in italics. I've included them because they do help introduce things and altogether help form a complete-ish sonnet. At the same time, I've underlined the lines in the sestet I find especially weak and requiring more work. Like, I kinda dislike that word "untryst" but I needed a foot there to make the line pentameter, sooo.....

A Great White swims the undulant crowd.
He makes his way immeasurably slow.
So tall, thick; so broad, strong; his ebb and flow (?)
He pushes through the mass unbowed
He catches my lust, my longing; my gaze, now cowed,
Looks back--still staring, now nearing. I know
His quarry, wanting his hard-sinewed glow,
Shudders at touch but has eyes unproud.
Would that I could turn to him and have hands,
Have lips, have sighs. Would I could be taken--
Be with him or be him. Would that we stood
But a moment magnetic, against spans
Of time and desire--but leaves me shaken,
Untryst. Would that I could: I would, I would. 

In the end, obviously, I'll rework the octave (all of it). I may all but entirely get rid of the current opening as the current second half could kinda make for a neat in medias kinda opening. Which I imagine would probably be pretty edgy and hip and stuff. And you know how much I care about keeping things edgy and hip. Who knows though, I really haven't reflected much on it at all.